I met a 14 year old girl on the internet. She was clever, funny, flirty and sexy, so I suggested we meet up.  She turned out to be an undercover detective.   How cool is that at her age?!

I went to see the nurse this morning for my annual check-up. She said I had to stop wanking.  When I asked why she said, "Because I'm trying to examine you!"

I just saw that Harry Potter film.  A bit unrealistic if you ask me.  I mean, a ginger kid.  With two friends?

A family is driving behind a garbage truck when a dildo flies out and thumps against the windscreen.  Embarrassed, and to spare her young son's innocence, the mother turns around and says, "Don't worry; that was an insect."  The son replies, "I'm surprised it could get off the ground with a dick like that."

I had a mate who was suicidal. He was really depressed, so I pushed him in front of a steam train.
He was chuffed to bits.

When I got divorced, my wife said she would fight for custody of the kids.  Took her out with one punch......

A woman brings eight-year-old Johnny home and tells his mother that he was caught playing doctors and nurses with Mary, her eight-year-old daughter.
Johnny's mother says, "Let's not be too harsh on them.... they are bound to be curious about sex at that age."   "Curious about sex?" replies Mary's mother. "He's taken her appendix out!"

I was walking in a cemetery this morning and saw a bloke hiding behind a gravestone.   I said "'Morning."
He replied, "No, just having a shit."

Disabled toilets. Ironically, the only toilets big enough to run around in.

I was reading in the paper today about this dwarf that got pick pocketed.   How could anyone stoop so low?

I was walking down the road when I saw an Afghan bloke standing on a fifth floor balcony shaking a carpet.   I shouted up to him, "What's up Abdul, won't it start?"

If found offensive yadda yadda, give yourself a shake and think about it a wee bit....   :y 

Brilliant!  ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D

Nice one ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D

Excellent  ;D :y ;D :y ;D

hotel21 wrote on 31. May 2009 at 23:56:

I met a 14 year old girl on the internet. She was clever, funny, flirty and sexy, so I suggested we meet up.  She turned out to be an undercover detective.   How cool is that at her age?! I went to see the nurse this morning for my annual check-up. She said I had to stop wanking.  When I asked why she said, "Because I'm trying to examine you!" I just saw that Harry Potter film.  A bit unrealistic if you ask me.  I mean, a ginger kid.  With two friends? A family is driving behind a garbage truck when a dildo flies out and thumps against the windscreen.  Embarrassed, and to spare her young son's innocence, the mother turns around and says, "Don't worry; that was an insect."  The son replies, "I'm surprised it could get off the ground with a dick like that." I had a mate who was suicidal. He was really depressed, so I pushed him in front of a steam train. He was chuffed to bits. When I got divorced, my wife said she would fight for custody of the kids.  Took her out with one punch...... A woman brings eight-year-old Johnny home and tells his mother that he was caught playing doctors and nurses with Mary, her eight-year-old daughter. Johnny's mother says, "Let's not be too harsh on them.... they are bound to be curious about sex at that age."   "Curious about sex?" replies Mary's mother. "He's taken her appendix out!" I was walking in a cemetery this morning and saw a bloke hiding behind a gravestone.   I said "'Morning." He replied, "No, just having a shit." Disabled toilets. Ironically, the only toilets big enough to run around in. I was reading in the paper today about this dwarf that got pick pocketed.   How could anyone stoop so low? I was walking down the road when I saw an Afghan bloke standing on a fifth floor balcony shaking a carpet.   I shouted up to him, "What's up Abdul, won't it start?" If found offensive yadda yadda, give yourself a shake and think about it a wee bit....   :y

Brilliant!!!!  ;D ;D ;D ;D

;D ;D ;D..................very good, cheered me up for a Monday morning :y ;D ;D

;D ;D ;D :y :y :y

Jimmy Carr strikes again :y :y :y :y

I know, I had the same list on email a couple of days ago

But he is very funny :y :y ;D ;D ;D

Great stuff  :y

;D Love `em!.....`enjoyed a good titter!;D

;D ;D ;D actually made me laugh out loud and wake the mrs  :y

;D ;D ;D ;D ;Drofl

hotel21 wrote on 31. May 2009 at 23:56:

I met a 14 year old girl on the internet. She was clever, funny, flirty and sexy, so I suggested we meet up.  She turned out to be an undercover detective.   How cool is that at her age?! I went to see the nurse this morning for my annual check-up. She said I had to stop wanking.  When I asked why she said, "Because I'm trying to examine you!" I just saw that Harry Potter film.  A bit unrealistic if you ask me.  I mean, a ginger kid.  With two friends? A family is driving behind a garbage truck when a dildo flies out and thumps against the windscreen.  Embarrassed, and to spare her young son's innocence, the mother turns around and says, "Don't worry; that was an insect."  The son replies, "I'm surprised it could get off the ground with a dick like that." I had a mate who was suicidal. He was really depressed, so I pushed him in front of a steam train. He was chuffed to bits. When I got divorced, my wife said she would fight for custody of the kids.  Took her out with one punch...... A woman brings eight-year-old Johnny home and tells his mother that he was caught playing doctors and nurses with Mary, her eight-year-old daughter. Johnny's mother says, "Let's not be too harsh on them.... they are bound to be curious about sex at that age."   "Curious about sex?" replies Mary's mother. "He's taken her appendix out!" I was walking in a cemetery this morning and saw a bloke hiding behind a gravestone.   I said "'Morning." He replied, "No, just having a shit." Disabled toilets. Ironically, the only toilets big enough to run around in. I was reading in the paper today about this dwarf that got pick pocketed.   How could anyone stoop so low? I was walking down the road when I saw an Afghan bloke standing on a fifth floor balcony shaking a carpet.   I shouted up to him, "What's up Abdul, won't it start?" If found offensive yadda yadda, give yourself a shake and think about it a wee bit....   :y

;D ;D ;D
All funny but these two made me laugh out loud :y

Excellent  :) :) :)

brill, abdul and the carpet, i was drinking my tea when reading this one, and spilt it down my teashirt. ;D ;D ;D

Fantastic!  ;D ;D ;D

A good laugh after a Maths exam!

:y

/\
Maths calculator paper?

my son had that one this morning

wrote on 01. Jun 2009 at 14:41:

/\ Maths calculator paper? my son had that one this morning

That's the one! I did the Edexcel one. Didn't find it too bad apart from in a couple of places.

:y

MindlessJD wrote on 01. Jun 2009 at 14:53:

wrote on 01. Jun 2009 at 14:41: /\ Maths calculator paper? my son had that one this morning That's the one! I did the Edexcel one. Didn't find it too bad apart from in a couple of places. :y

That your last one? Finished my first year collage exams last ::) week

Debs. wrote on 01. Jun 2009 at 07:38:

;D Love `em!.....`enjoyed a good titter!;D

That's what I wanted to be when I grew up -- the titter that runs round the crowd  ::) :D ;)

lol good stuff

Omega man 2 wrote on 01. Jun 2009 at 15:08:

MindlessJD wrote on 01. Jun 2009 at 14:53: wrote on 01. Jun 2009 at 14:41: /\ Maths calculator paper? my son had that one this morning That's the one! I did the Edexcel one. Didn't find it too bad apart from in a couple of places. :y That your last one? Finished my first year collage exams last ::) week

I wish!  :-[ I'm still doing GCSEs. I have eight to go still. Last one is on the 16 June; then college here I come!  8-)

:y

Excellent ...   ;D ;D ;D ;D

Good ones ;D ;D ;D ;D :y

wrote on 01. Jun 2009 at 15:55:

Debs. wrote on 01. Jun 2009 at 07:38: ;D Love `em!.....`enjoyed a good titter!;D That's what I wanted to be when I grew up -- the titter that runs round the crowd  ::) :D ;)

Frankie Howard's muffled titter got there before you HC ;D :y :y

MindlessJD wrote on 01. Jun 2009 at 14:53:

wrote on 01. Jun 2009 at 14:41: /\ Maths calculator paper? my son had that one this morning That's the one! I did the Edexcel one. Didn't find it too bad apart from in a couple of places. :y

yeah Edexcel, aparantly this one was easiar than the non calculator. He did higher tier