An ode of English Plurals

We begin with a box, and the plural is boxes,
But the plural of ox becomes oxen, not oxes.
One fowl is a goose, but two are called geese,
Yet the plural of moose should never be meese.
You may find a lone mouse or a nest full of mice,
Yet the plural of house is houses, not hice.

If the plural of man is always called men,
Why shouldn't the plural of pan be called pen?
If I speak of my foot and show you my feet,
And I give you a boot, would a pair be called beet?
If one is a tooth and a whole set are teeth,
Why shouldn't the plural of booth be called beeth?

Then one may be that, and three would be those,
Yet hat in the plural would never be hose,
And the plural of cat is cats, not cose.
We speak of a brother and also of brethren,
But though we say mother, we never say methren.
Then the masculine pronouns are he, his and him,
But imagine the feminine: she, shis and shim!

Let's face it - English is a crazy language.
There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger;
neither apple nor pine in pineapple.
English muffins weren't invented in England.
We take English for granted, but if we explore its
paradoxes,we find that quicksand can work slowly,
boxing rings are square,and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham? Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend.

If you have a bunch of odds and ends and
get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?

If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught?
If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?

Sometimes I think all the folks who grew up speaking English should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane.

In what other language do people recite at a play and play
at a recital?

We ship by truck but send cargo by ship.
We have noses that run and feet that smell.
We park in a driveway and drive in a parkway.
And how can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same,
while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites?

You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language
in which your house can burn up as it burns down,
in which you fill in a form by filling it out,  and
in which an alarm goes off by going on.

And in closing, if Father is Pop, how come Mother's not Mop?


Varche

yep, must be a dead easy language for others to pick up (mind you, at least we dont allocate everything a gender)

jerry wrote on 18. Nov 2009 at 14:42:


English is full of eccentricities like this, but is easier to learn than Polish 

Quote:


(Google translation: I am loving my ferrets.)

cruisetopoland wrote on 18. Nov 2009 at 14:45:



Well, must admit that my own feeble attempts to pick up a bit of Polish is put to shame by the excellent english spoken by some of the Poles who(m) I work with!

Having said that, how many of us refer to our beloved migs as "she" rather than "he"?

jerry wrote on 18. Nov 2009 at 15:01:


Same goes-my fumbling, stilted attempts at Polish are embarrassing.  Our Polish friends who spoke no English a few years back are now fluent....

I was tickled on watching an episode of Road Wars some months back where two policemen repeatedly referred to 'the premise'.  What they meant was 'the premises' as there is no separate word for one property.  I dismissed it as a spurious error because policemen on these programmes do appear to try and use impressive language wrongly.  But then I heard a far more senior officer make the same mistake on the news just a few days ago.

Institutionalised incomprehensibility!  That's what it is.