Omega Owners Forum - parents & dementia.

Chris_H

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Re: parents & dementia.
Reply #15 - 19. Jan 2011 at 21:32

terbert wrote on 19. Jan 2011 at 08:18:

Power of Attorney is a must......however since my family did it, the government changed the system.
We have Enduring Power of Attorney, which only involved an hours appointment at my mothers bank (she was not even present) and I now have full access to mothers affairs. Did not have to go to the Court of Protection. Thumbs Up!

That doesn't sound like Enduring Power of Attorney then.

If you can get your name on their bank accounts with their permission then that is a help.

Try to stay on the same side as the SS if at all possible while doing the best for your parents. Unfortunately a change of location (or any change at all) can be very upsetting for dementia sufferers. A lot of Catch22s I'm afraid.

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The Red Baron Omega Baron Offline On me tod. Posts: 4072 burton on trent.staffs Gender: Drives: chipped 3.0mv6/corsa 1.2	Re: parents & dementia. Reply #16 - 19. Jan 2011 at 22:36 well, im here. didnt realise things were this bad. driving me up the wall. ive only been here a few hours.
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Vamps

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Re: parents & dementia.
Reply #17 - 19. Jan 2011 at 22:51

The Red Baron wrote on 19. Jan 2011 at 00:04:

Vamps wrote on 19. Jan 2011 at 00:01:

Kevin M wrote on 18. Jan 2011 at 23:52:

Hi Jon

IME it would be best to tackle this in a robust and assertive way up front to get something sorted as soon as poss. Otherwise it can drag on, being a real difficulty for you, your parents and yr family. You could ask Blackpool SS if there is housing with care available for your folks. That way they keep their independence as far as is practical. Get the SS psychiatrist to assess their mental ability - there are drugs available to slow down further loss. Get Lasting Power of Attorney sorted while you can - then you can take control if needed.

Can PM some LPOA stuff if you like (tomorrow). It's a difficult time buddy and you have my sympathy. And whatever guidance I can give. But there is help and experience available. IME your M&D will be grateful if you can lead them to a place of comfort and safety.

K

Kevin, you are right in everything you say, I would add that power of Attorney may be a battle though, that you must win, legally your parents have 'capacity' until proved otherwise.......

mum hasnt anymore, dad has the ability to make some decisions i have ben told by b/pool social. i will know more after the assesment in feb.

I can not get my head around the fact that they are not doing the assessment until February, there must be some information missing from this....... Sad

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The Red Baron Omega Baron Offline On me tod. Posts: 4072 burton on trent.staffs Gender: Drives: chipped 3.0mv6/corsa 1.2	Re: parents & dementia. Reply #18 - 19. Jan 2011 at 23:01 im off down to the doctors in the morning with dad, so will try to gleen some information.
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Vamps Omega King Offline Flying Tonight, so Be Prepared. Posts: 16571 Bishop Middleham, Co Durham. Gender: Drives: 2.0L Auto Estate & 2.2 CD Auto Saloon	Re: parents & dementia. Reply #19 - 19. Jan 2011 at 23:15 The Red Baron wrote on 19. Jan 2011 at 23:01: im off down to the doctors in the morning with dad, so will try to gleen some information. Social Services have times scales to complete assessment following a referral, not sure how long it is for adult services, but will not be months......
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The Red Baron

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Re: parents & dementia.
Reply #20 - 19. Jan 2011 at 23:27

Vamps wrote on 19. Jan 2011 at 23:15:

The Red Baron wrote on 19. Jan 2011 at 23:01:

im off down to the doctors in the morning with dad, so will try to gleen some information.

Social Services have times scales to complete assessment following a referral, not sure how long it is for adult services, but will not be months......

i will look into it in the morning.

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pscocoa

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Re: parents & dementia.
Reply #21 - 20. Jan 2011 at 13:40

The situation we are in is not quite as bad as Red Baron's but just a few points which may assist.

1. If your father is ok at makng decisions AND they do not want to move from the house they are in (which is usual position) then the Social ervices system may work for you.

2. In my parents case - my mother is currently in hospital and has been for nearly 4 weeks and this leaves my father who is 90 in March on his own.

Carers come in the mornig and evening, plus meals on wheels, plus daily phone calls from family and visits when we can (210 miles away).

3. This works because my father does not want to leave the house and we agree that for him to go in a home will accelerate deterioration.

4. Find those issues that they can relate to - in our case it is family tree stuff which jogs memories and moves on from the repetition of same stories.

5. Medication - ss carers are not supposed to adminster medication - you can go for dosset packs where the medication is in blister packs set out by day and time of day within that - ss carers are allowed to give this.

6. How many times is it possible for you to visit is a key question.

7. the bank situation is tricky and you will have to be clear with the bank as to what your parents are happy to agree on - does your father ontrol all accounts?

8. We have my wife's parent problems at the other end of the country (260 miles away) and have therefore clocked nearly 2000 miles in less than a month

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Chris_H

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Re: parents & dementia.
Reply #22 - 20. Jan 2011 at 17:33

A slight aside but relevant in a way...

Dad passed away in an 'EMI' home with dementia 3 years ago leaving mum who is now 91 living alone but 1/4 mile from me. She is deteriorating and occasionally asks if she ought to go into a home (with the express intention that we say "no").

I checked her dual-fuel bill the other day and found she had racked-up 450+GBP of credit after paying her 6-month bill for electricity and they were going to "carry it over"!! Angry

18 months-worth and rising fast!

So I rang up the supplier and told them to pay back the excess and reduce the DD by two-thirds. Got there eventually but chose to go on a "10% lower tariff" in return for signing up for 12 months.

Confirmation letters came a few days later and my mum opened one but baulked at the others because she didn't like what she saw (references to the internet actually, that scared her). When I got to read them, sure enough they'd downed the DD and promised to pay the balance back. But blow me, they only increased her gas DD by 50% when she was in credit on that as well!!! Angry

Luckily the next phone call to them got a very speedy apology otherwise they would have been roasted and dumped.

Wife (who was watching me) couldn't keep a straight face when they asked me to put my mum on the phone to confirm I could speak on her behalf. Mum described me as her husband and then when challenged, indignantly said that her husband was deceased. We were actually lucky that the person on the other end could appreciate the meanderings of the demented mind! Thumbs Up!

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SteveMJ_new

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Re: parents & dementia.
Reply #23 - 21. Jan 2011 at 00:41

My mum, who passed away last May at 90 suffered from vascular dementia for the last 3 years following a stroke.

She insisted she remained in the famiy home, where she lived since 1959, despite out advice many many years ago to movve. This she did with carers visiting up to four times a day.

She would not have been any less confused in a home. At least she recognised her home as that - even though this varied quite a bit towards the end.

Hope this helps. S

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« Last Edit: 21. Jan 2011 at 00:41 by SteveMJ_new »

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The Red Baron Omega Baron Offline On me tod. Posts: 4072 burton on trent.staffs Gender: Drives: chipped 3.0mv6/corsa 1.2	Re: parents & dementia. Reply #24 - 21. Jan 2011 at 15:19 all advice & comments are really appreciated thanks. having now been living & seeing whats going on up here is really frightening tbh. i really need to get them moved down near me at burton.
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Entwood

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Re: parents & dementia.
Reply #25 - 21. Jan 2011 at 15:42

Senile Dementia is not an illness as such .. as it cannot be cured .. it is a condition that will only get worse. The only variable being the rate at which it gets worse.

I realise those words are probably not what you wish to hear... but having been involved with the condition (SWTSMBO Mum) for several years it is the only honest way of putting it.

Social Services don't have the resources, and many of their "workers" don't have the knowledge, to deal with it. They seem to only think about short term solutions and this is a long term problem.

Others have mentioned the legal aspects, and I fully concur, the sooner you start the easier it is, as once demetia is fully "set in" the victim cannot actually sign the papers to say they agree ... catch 22 situation.

Most of us have our own lives and families, and few can provide the 24 hour care that is needed. The best bet then, if you can find it, is sheltered housing where the sufferer can live as normal a life as possible, but with the knowledge that professional help is on hand.

Unfortunately this is not cheap .... and SS are not at all willing to help, it can take a lot of hard work to get any financial assistance.

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« Last Edit: 21. Jan 2011 at 15:43 by Entwood »

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Chris_H

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Re: parents & dementia.
Reply #26 - 21. Jan 2011 at 16:56

Entwood wrote on 21. Jan 2011 at 15:42:

Senile Dementia is not an illness as such .. as it cannot be cured .. it is a condition that will only get worse. The only variable being the rate at which it gets worse.

I realise those words are probably not what you wish to hear... but having been involved with the condition (SWTSMBO Mum) for several years it is the only honest way of putting it.

Social Services don't have the resources, and many of their "workers" don't have the knowledge, to deal with it. They seem to only think about short term solutions and this is a long term problem.

Others have mentioned the legal aspects, and I fully concur, the sooner you start the easier it is, as once demetia is fully "set in" the victim cannot actually sign the papers to say they agree ... catch 22 situation.

Most of us have our own lives and families, and few can provide the 24 hour care that is needed. The best bet then, if you can find it, is sheltered housing where the sufferer can live as normal a life as possible, but with the knowledge that professional help is on hand.

Unfortunately this is not cheap .... and SS are not at all willing to help, it can take a lot of hard work to get any financial assistance.

My experience there was not so bad. It may well vary by local authority and the credit crunch will certainly not help.

We got financial assistance for my dad to be in care from local SS but they means-test and anything over 23k in savings causes a reduction in support from LA. Where there is a house owned and a partner still needing to live in it, that doesn't get assessed. As soon as the sufferer is the only one in the house then it has to count towards the care cost. (Try selling a house when the signatory on the deeds is not compos mentis!) If one partner is ok then shared funds have to be split down the middle before assessment to prevent them losing their savings. This caused us to have to withdraw some investments as they were only in one name.

Sadly that means you almost have to behave as though you are un-married.

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