Omega Owners Forum - Sticky for Jokes

Plomien Omega Knight Offline Rescue the beer and drink the maiden Posts: 1724 Swansea Gender: Drives: 2.5 V6 Tourer	Re: Sticky for Jokes Reply #15 - 14. Sep 2011 at 09:16 The seven qualities needed for the perfect girlfriend are beautiful, intelligent, gentle, thoughtful, innocent, trustworthy and sensible. Or, in short, B.I.G.T.I.T.S.
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Plomien Omega Knight Offline Rescue the beer and drink the maiden Posts: 1724 Swansea Gender: Drives: 2.5 V6 Tourer	Re: Sticky for Jokes Reply #16 - 14. Sep 2011 at 09:16 A guy goes to the doctor. “Doc, I think there’s something wrong with my girlfriend. Her behaviour is really wild. Last week, she took me to the Arctic Circle to have a threesome with an Eskimo woman.” “I’m sorry,” the doctor replied. “It sounds like she might be bipolar.”
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Plomien Omega Knight Offline Rescue the beer and drink the maiden Posts: 1724 Swansea Gender: Drives: 2.5 V6 Tourer	Re: Sticky for Jokes Reply #17 - 14. Sep 2011 at 09:17 A Glaswegian takes his girlfriend home for the first time and says, “This is Amanda.” His dad jumps up and says, “It’s a f**king what?”
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jonnycool Omega Baron Offline We shag 'em, you eat 'em Posts: 2837 Merthyr Tydfil, S. Wales Gender: Drives: 2001 2.6 Elite Estate	Re: Sticky for Jokes Reply #18 - 14. Sep 2011 at 11:18 Some good 'uns there mate
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henryd Omega Baron Offline Posts: 2172 west cornwall Gender: Drives: Merc E220 estate,previous ride 2.5 elite estate	Re: Sticky for Jokes Reply #19 - 14. Sep 2011 at 12:12 Plomien wrote on 14. Sep 2011 at 09:16: The seven qualities needed for the perfect girlfriend are beautiful, intelligent, gentle, thoughtful, innocent, trustworthy and sensible. Or, in short, B.I.G.T.I.T.S.
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paul.lovejoy Newbie Offline Posts: 45 Ramsgate Kent Gender: Drives: wife mad and 2.6 est auto	Re: Sticky for Jokes Reply #20 - 15. Sep 2011 at 05:38 for sale full set britanica encyclopedias no longer require wife knows it all
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scimmy_man

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Posts: 395
yorkshire
Gender: male

Drives: mv6 scimitar A3 discovery

Re: Sticky for Jokes
Reply #21 - 18. Sep 2011 at 11:48

A London lawyer runs a stop sign and gets pulled over by a Glasgow copper.

He thinks that he is smarter than the cop because he is a lawyer from LONDON
and is certain that he has a better education than any Jock cop. He decides
to prove this to himself and have some fun at the Glasgow cops expense!!

Glasgow cop says, ' Licence and registration, please.'

London Lawyer says, 'What for?'

Glasgow cop says, 'Ye didnae come to a complete stop at the stop
sign.'

London Lawyer says, 'I slowed down, and no one was coming.'

Glasgow cop says, 'Ye still didnae come to a complete stop. Licence
and registration, please.'

London Lawyer says, 'What's the difference?'

Glasgow cop says, 'The difference is, ye huvte to come to complete
stop, that's the law, Licence and registration, please!'

London Lawyer says, 'If you can show me the legal difference between slow
down and stop, I'll give you my licence and registration, and you give me
the ticket. If not, you let me go and don't give me the ticket.'

Glasgow cop says, 'Sounds fair. Exit your vehicle, sir.'

The London Lawyer exits his vehicle.

The Glasgow cop takes out his baton and starts beating the f**** out of the
lawyer and says,

'Dae ye want me to stop, or just slow doon ???

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hotel21

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Posts: 12766
Doghouse
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Drives: into lamposts

Re: Sticky for Jokes
Reply #22 - 18. Sep 2011 at 20:44

An oldie but none the less amusing for that and worth a repeat....

A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose, still heavily sedated from a difficult, four hour surgical procedure. A young, student nurse appears to give him a partial sponge bath.

“Nurse,” he mumbles, from behind the mask. “Are my testicles black?”

Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, “I don’t know, sir. I’m only here to wash your upper body and feet.”

He struggles to ask again, “Nurse, are my testicles black?” Concerned that he may elevate his vitals from worry about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and sheepishly pulls back the covers.

She raises his gown, holds his penis in one hand and his testicles in the other, lifting and moving them around. Then, she takes a close look and says, “There’s nothing wrong with them, sir!”

The man pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her and says very slowly, “Thank you very much. That was wonderful, but, listen very, very closely. A r e – m y – t e s t – r e s u l t s – b a c k?”

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« Last Edit: 18. Sep 2011 at 20:44 by hotel21 »

Tech 2 available in Scotland. click on ->

http://theboy.omegaowners.com

for prices.....

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paul.lovejoy

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Posts: 45
Ramsgate Kent
Gender: male

Drives: wife mad and 2.6 est auto

Re: Sticky for Jokes
Reply #23 - 19. Sep 2011 at 21:44

The vicar was walking down the street when he came across Lucy playing outside her house

Vicar: ( deep serious voice) hello Lucy how are you today
Lucy: ( sweet inocent voice) Hi vicar iam fine thanks
Vicar: thats a very pretty dress your wearing
Lucy thankyou i got it for my 7th birthday
Vicar oh how nice what else did you get
Lucy: i got a doll , a little pink handbag ( from daz) and these red shinny shoes and this dog
Vicar: wow thats a lovely dog whats his name
Lucy: we call him Porky
Vicar: Porky thats a strange name why do you call him that
Lucy: becuase he f**ks pigs

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Plomien Omega Knight Offline Rescue the beer and drink the maiden Posts: 1724 Swansea Gender: Drives: 2.5 V6 Tourer	Re: Sticky for Jokes Reply #24 - 20. Sep 2011 at 13:11 A man was sunbathing in the nude and burned his penis. His doctor told him to dip it in a saucer of milk to ease the pain. Later, his blonde wife comes home to find him with his dick in the saucer of milk. 'F**k me,' she remarks. 'I always wondered how you re-loaded those things!'
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Varche Omega Baron Offline Posts: 3860 Andalucia, Spain Gender: Drives: 97 pre mini facelift 3 litre auto RHD Elite saloon and a 2000 Ford Ka !	Re: Sticky for Jokes Reply #25 - 21. Sep 2011 at 16:31 Just been to the gym. They've got a new machine in. Only used it for half an hour as I started to feel sick. It's great though. It does everything - KitKats, Mars Bars, Snickers, Crisps, the lot.."
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